I can't live with HIM!
by XxStephXx
Summary: They broke up a year ago. Now Voldemort is after James and has a list on how to get to him. The first name on that list, none other than Lily Evans. Now they have to go into hiding TOGETHER with Sirius, Remus and James' new girlfriend
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 

"Calm down, Mr. Potter," said Dumbledore.

The Order had just received intelligence that Voldemort was coming after James. Voldemort had recently tried to recruit the last remaining Potter, James had, of course, told him where to go. Apparently Voldemort was determined to get James on his side, so he was going after anyone he could use to hurt James.

Right now, James was pacing up and down Dumbledore's office, waiting for word from the other Order members. They had all been sent out to bring everyone on the Death Eater's list.

"Calm down? Sir, how am I supposed to calm down? They have everyone except her! What if he has her?" James all but shouted as he pulled his hands through his hair.

"We have no reason to believe that Voldemort has Miss Evans," said Dumbledore calmly.

"That doesn't mean a thing! She was the first on the list, he's going after her first! We could be too late!" shouted James, with an agonized look on his face.

Before Dumbledore could try and calm him again, Sirius' voice filled the room.

"Prongs! Professor!" he shouted, making sure he had the right room.

"Yeah, do you have her?" James shouted frantically back.

"I can see her," said Sirius carefully.

"What the hell does that mean? Is she alive? Does he have her? What is going on?" James shouted again. He hated that he couldn't be the one to round everyone up. He hated letting everyone else do everything when all he could do was wait.

James and Lily Evans had gone out in their Seventh year and for a year after they left school. They had broken up a year ago. Neither of them really knew why. They were young and it was so dangerous for them to be together, and they wanted different things. At least that is what they told people when they asked. Somehow in their hearts it didn't seem that simple.

"She is alive and no, they don't have her," said Sirius, concerned. He had never seen James in this sort of state before.

"Thank God," whispered James, closing his eyes in relief.

"Then what is the problem, Sirius?" asked Dumbledore.

"She…uh isn't coming quietly. She's already taken 6 of our members down. She knocked Moody out," said Sirius, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. "I think she thinks we're the bad guys."

"Well bloody hell, tell her!" shouted James.

"They've tried," Sirius protested.

"You were friends with her in school, she trusts you," said Dumbledore.

"He's right! Get off your arse and make her listen to you!" James shouted.

"I'll do my best," said Sirius. He was only allowed to go along with the other members on the condition that he stays out of sight, he was on Voldemort's list as well.

"Typical Lily," James muttered. "She couldn't just come quietly."

-------------------------

"BLACK, I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU!" James and Dumbledore heard Lily scream. James had never been so happy to hear her shout before.

A few seconds later the door to Dumbledore's office burst open. Sirius walked in with Lily flung over his shoulder while she kicked and struggled with him.

"Let me go!" she commanded, wriggling and trying to get out of his grip.

"Not until you stop being such a pain in the arse," said Sirius, keeping a firm grip on her.

"YOU are the pain the arse!"

Sirius lifted one hand off her leg lifted and gently hit her bottom. "Now you have a pain in…"

"Paddy!" James shouted. How dare he do that? Especially to her.

Lily shrieked indignantly. "You will pay!" Then she reached down and tugged as hard as she could on Sirius' belt causing valuable assets to be squished. The shock of this causing Sirius to let go of Lily and crouch over, holding his crotch area for dear life.

"Owwwww!" shouted Lily. She had hit the floor when Sirius had let go of her.

"What about me? I may not be able to have children!" winced Sirius, clearly still in pain.

"Then I did the world a favour," snapped Lily.

"There is no need…"

"Miss Evans, I'm sure you're wondering what you're doing here," said Dumbledore, interrupting the quarrelling pair.

"What?" asked Lily, then it all suddenly came back to her. "Oh right! What am I doing here? And what does this have to do with you?" she asked, pointing accusingly at James.

"You better sit down," said James seriously.

"No! I want to know right now!" demanded Lily, as she got to her feet.

"Voldemort is after me…"

"That doesn't explain why I was ambushed!" interrupted Lily.

"It will if you let me finish!" said James. He always could infuriate him more than anyone. But her standing there right in front of him made him realise how much he had missed her. And right at that second he knew why she was at the top of that list.

"Fine," she said, not looking amused in the least.

"Anyway, a few weeks ago I was captured…"

"Oh my god, are you okay?" she gasped.

"Great, now you're concerned…"

"What happened?" Lily asked, ignoring his sarcasm.

"Will you let me finish telling you why you are here?"

"Sorry," said Lily meekly. What was it about James that turned her into such an idiot. And did he always have to look so bloody good, even when he looked like he hadn't slept in days.

"Right, anyway. The short version is they wanted me to join them, and I refused and escaped. Earlier today, the Order received information that Voldemort is coming after the people I care about…I guess they are trying to get me that way," said James quickly, before Lily could interrupt him again.

"Right… so again why am I here?" said Lily, completely nonplussed. "We haven't been in touch in over a year, there is no reason to think why they would come after me."

"You…" started James, he about to tell her about the list.

"James, I'm a profiler for the Ministry," she told him with a devil-be-damned know-it-all air about her as she paced. "It's my job to analyze how these people think. I know their tactics and how they work. An old girlfriend you haven't seen in over a year is not even going to be on their radar. They go after current girlfriends, or ones you have recently split with. They use lifelong friends, family members, children or a building full of strangers to try and force your hand."

"You don't understand…"

"I do understand," said Lily strongly. "I know that if the Ministry or in this case, the Order thinks you could be in danger they put you in protective custody and I'm doing it. I know the odds are slim that they will come after me…"

"They are coming after you though!" interrupted James, tired of her interruptions. "We found a list, your name is on it!"

"Oh…" said Lily, shocked. She had not been expecting that.

"See, that is why we had to bring you here! And why you have to go into protective custody!" said James, his voice full of concern.

"No," said Lily clearly.

"No? What do you mean no?" Sirius blurted out.

"I mean I'm not going into hiding," she said clearly.

"Lily, be reasonable you have to. There isn't any other option," said James desperately. He knew better than anyone how stubborn she could be.

"There is. I can go home, and not hide from something that probably will never happen. Even if I am on the list, they are going to go after the people you love and care for the most. Concentrate on looking after them first," said Lily.

"Don't be ridiculous," said Sirius.

"I'm not. I can take care of myself, I took down 7 Order members," said Lily calmly.

"They were sent to capture you. Death Eaters are sent to kill," said James in a last ditch attempt to convince her.

"I'm not afraid of death," said Lily simply.

"Don't do this Lily, please. Go into protective custody please, for me," James pleaded.

"I'm sorry James. I'm not doing it," she said. "I'll do anything I can to help protect those who need it. I hope nothing comes of this, and I really hope you all stay safe."

"Lily…" said James sternly.

"If that is all, I'll be going," said Lily, opening the door and leaving before anyone could say anything to stop her.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 

JAMES' POV

I'll never forgive myself. Never.

We got the owl ten minutes ago. Lily was attacked on her way home from Hogwarts. She's in St Mungos. I won't be able to live with myself if something bad happens to her.

I know in this situation everyone else's safety is meant to be my priority. But if Voldemort came to me right now and said I could save one person on his list, it would be Lily. Even if it meant everyone else, including me dies. As long as she's okay, because she can't die, especially not because of me.

So against what everyone told us, me and Sirius put on our best disguises and are now going to see her. We're standing outside her room. I hate to admit it, but I'm terrified of what I'm going to find on the other side of that door.

"It's okay mate, they said it wasn't a serious attack. The healers thought it was to just scare her. Lily can fight, I mean really fight. I certainly wouldn't take her on if I could help it. She had Moody on his back," said Sirius, trying to comfort me, no doubt. But it's not working. Lily is lying in a hospital bed because of me, because I won't join the other side.

"We better go in," I managed to choke out.

I opened the door, and immediately my heart soars. Lily wasn't lying weakly on the hospital bed, she wasn't unconscious. She was standing over the bed, stuffing things into her bag.

"Lily…" I said, cautiously stepping into her room.

"What?" she snapped irritably. She looked up and saw it was us, her face immediately softened. "What are you two clowns doing here?"

"How did you…" asked Sirius. We were wearing disguises, nobody had recognized us. We had completely changed our physical appearances.

"Oh please, you think I wouldn't know you two anywhere? It's the way you stand," she snapped. She always could see through all our plots and pranks.

"The way we stand?" I asked, amused. I couldn't help but raise my eyebrow at her, it was always cute how random she could be.

"Yeah, the way you stand. Is that a problem?" she asked, challenging me to say something. I am not that brave. You do not take on Lily Evans, _ever_.

"No," I answer quickly.

"Right," she said, continuing to throw things into the bag. "So what do you want?"

"You were attacked," I blurt out. How can she ask what we want? I want to keep her safe.

"Yes I know," she said. The way she said it makes me feel like a complete idiot.

"Come on Lils, you know why we are here," said Sirius. Thank Merlin, he can keep his head on when Lily is around.

"I'm not going into protective custody," she sighs.

"Yes, you are," said Sirius seriously, no pun intended. He's actually quite intimidating, when he uses that tone. A bit like McGonagall… hah, I should mention that to him later.

"No, I'm not."

"Lily, you were attacked. They used you to scare me, you know they are going to come after you again. You have to come with us," I tell her. I can't think of anyway to get through to her.

"No, I have a life. I'm not just leaving everything to go into hiding," she insisted stubbornly.

"It won't be forever. I understand why you don't want to. I don't want to go into hiding either, but I am and I am an Auror," said Sirius.

"Please, I can't live with someone's life on my conscience, definitely not yours. Let me do my best to protect everyone. So then at least if the worst does happen I can say I did everything I could," I tell her, just deciding to be honest with her.

"I can look after myself James, it's not up to you to protect me anymore," she said.

That hurt, mainly because it was true. I couldn't protect her anymore. She wasn't mine to protect anymore, she probably had some fabulous boyfriend, or fiancé or even worse a husband. All I did was put her in danger. She wasn't looking at me, she was looking at my eyebrows. I had noticed that earlier, she wouldn't look me in the eye.

She won't listen to me, so I'll convince the way I used to, (not that, get your mind out of the gutter. Although wouldn't that be fun…). I reach out and grab her hand.

"Please Lily, it won't be that long. Just a few weeks, just until the worst of it has passed. Please you can't die, you just can't not because of me," I tell her. Actually, more like pleaded.

"I don't want to…" she says quietly, so only I can hear. I know immediately that that translates into 'I'm scared' in Lily language.

"I know you don't. A few weeks of doing something you don't want to has to be worth it if it means you get to grow old and have children, grandchildren, a career and everything else you want out of life."

She stands there looking at me for a few minutes. She's having some sort in internal battle. I give her my best pleading face.

"Okay, fine I'll do it," she sighs.

--------------------------------------------------

"Who's that?" Sirius hissed at me an hour later.

We were sitting in the hospital courtyard, on the opposite end from Lily, facing her. She wanted to say goodbye to someone before she would go into hiding.

"Her boyfriend," I said painfully.

The guy didn't look like Lily's type. He had short brown hair, he was about 6 foot, and he wasn't hideously ugly either. But he wasn't special enough for Lily. I could tell just by the way he was looking at her that he cared about her, maybe even loved her. But not like I did, maybe even still do. It was a good thing I know she was going to break up with him. I know her well enough to know that she is not going to keep seeing someone, she doesn't feel really strongly for, if she has to go away for a few months.

"Looks like someone she would date," Sirius commented.

"No he doesn't," I say, although it comes out angrier than I thought. But for some reason I am angry at him, that guy is not her type. It's almost casual the way Sirius sees it, as if he approves. How could he approve of Lily dating a guy that doesn't love her, that doesn't worship her? And he calls himself her friend.

"Alright, chill mate," said Sirius.

"Sorry, I'm just a little on edge about this whole thing," I say.

"What, the whole 'Voldemort is out to kill everyone I love' thing? Or handling the fact that Lily has a boyfriend that isn't you?" I don't even have to look at him to see that smirk, the cocky smirk. I can hear it in his voice.

"Lily and I are over, we're friends," I tell him, and even I don't believe me.

"Yeah you might be over, and you might be friends. But the two of you are not _just_ friends. There is a reason she is at the top of that list."

"We are old friends that dated…" Maybe if I say it enough I might start to believe it myself.

"…For two years."

"So? That doesn't mean we're not friends," I say.

I'm keeping my eye on Lily and that guy. They are talking, she is telling him she has to break up with him. He took her hand, his arm is round her shoulder. How come she can look him in the eye but not me? I've known her since she was 11, and yet she can't look at me. I don't even know why, I never cheated on her or hurt her. I don't think so, anyway. I proposed to her, I would say that was a nice thing, I was even understanding about it when she refused. So why is it I don't get eye contact with her?

"I'm just saying. You think you can live with her for Merlin knows how long and still be 'just friends'?" I hear Sirius saying, pulling me out of my internal rant.

"I have a girlfriend," I say.

It's weird since I found out what Voldemort was up to, this is the first time I had even thought about my girlfriend. I have been seeing Amelia for 4 months, and she's a nice girl. She is a secretary for the Muggle Liason department, and a blonde. I don't normally go for blondes, but she was friendly and she asked me out. She is hot, but to be brutally honest she isn't all that bright, and our conversation is pretty basic. Her laugh annoys me, but I think it would be more hassle to break up with her than to keep on dating her. At least I get laid and I've learned to tune out her odd noises.

"Yeah, the genetically mutated horse," said Sirius. I couldn't help but snigger a little, 'cause he somehow got it dead on. Her laugh did sound like an odd horse noise.

"She's a nice girl," I say. It doesn't feel right not to stand up for her, she hasn't done anything wrong. Not being the right girl isn't doing something wrong.

"Yeah sure. What did she say when you told her about all of this?"

"Uh…Um…I…" Damn it I knew there was someone I was meant to call! But her name wasn't on the list, so she wasn't a priority.

"You didn't tell her?"

"No." What would be the point in lying, he would only find out.

He just sniggered. "You don't even know yourself do you?"

"Know what?" Sirius is being cryptic, how annoying.

"How much you still love Evans?"

"You don't know what you're talking about!" I tell him. He's right, I don't even know how I feel about Lily. So until I do, I'm denying everything. It wouldn't matter, even if I did still love her, she's moved on. There is no chance of anything ever happening between us again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Lily, Sirius, Remus and James were all standing in Dumbledore's office after managing to go home and pack a few things. They were now just waiting for Dumbledore to tell them where they were going. Everyone else on Voldemort's list had already been taken to their hiding place, but the four of them were considered to be more at-risk and so they were stuck together.

"So where are we going?" Lily asked Dumbledore bluntly.

"Somewhere very familiar Miss Evans…" said Dumbledore, but he was interrupted by a high pitched noise.

"Yoooo hooo!" Immediately Sirius, James and Remus winced. "Anyone home?"

They all turned towards the door, where a blonde woman was currently tugging on a huge suitcase to try and get it in the door.

"Jamie, will you please help me with this?" Amelia pouted.

"Uh…Why? What are you doing here?" said James, looking as shocked as everyone else.

"Well baby, we have to go into hiding and I have to bring some of my things," she said in a sickly sweet voice.

"Amelia, you don't have to go into hiding," said Sirius harshly.

"I'm James' girlfriend, I am in the most danger because I mean the most to him," said Amelia as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"You think?" Remus muttered to Lily.

"Jamie, tell them!" Amelia whined.

"Uh, you weren't on the list, but I…guess it makes sense for you to be protected," said James. She _was_ his girlfriend, and if Voldemort couldn't find anyone on his list he might go after her.

"I'm sure there are some more places with the other groups. I can contact them…" said Sirius. He did _not_ want to live with Amelia.

"Other groups?" said Amelia, looking alarmed. "Jamie, we have to be together."

"She's right," said Lily, speaking up. "They are obviously a couple, they should be placed together. I will be more than happy to let her have my space."

"Lily no, you need protection," said James immediately.

"Then I'll go with another group," Lily shrugged. If she was honest, she really didn't want to live with James, let alone James and his unreasonably dizzy girlfriend.

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that Miss Evans," said Dumbledore. "You were the first name on the list, you were the first one to be attacked. You and Mr. Potter are most at risk and I cannot allow either of one of you to leave here."

"Who are you?" demanded Amelia, glaring at Lily.

"Lily Evans," said Lily, reaching out and shaking Amelia's hand.

"Lily Evans?" said Amelia darkly. "Jamie's ex?"

"Yes."

"Jamie…. You can't go into hiding with her, you can't!" Amelia whined.

"I don't have a choice," said James curtly.

"Then I'm coming too," she demanded.

At this point Lily just looked at Sirius. It was an 'are you kidding me' look.

"Fine," snapped James. Sometimes he really didn't have the patience for Amelia, she was too clingy.

"That okay with you?" said James to Lily kindly.

"Why wouldn't it be?" she shrugged.

"Okay then," said Dumbledore with a twinkle in his eye. There would be some sparks amongst that group in the next few months.

"So where are we going?" asked Sirius.

"Somewhere very familiar, I believe Mr. Potter and Miss. Evans spent a lot of time there during 7th year," said Dumbledore.

"The Heads tower," said Lily, comprehension dawning on her face.

"Exactly," said Dumbledore.

Lily and James had been Head students in their 7th year, it had been how they had gotten together. The Heads tower consisted of two bedrooms, a bathroom, a common room and a kitchen.

"But how…" said James.

"The Tower will be sealed off to students, undetectable to the outside and invisible so you don't need to worry about staying away from windows."

"This is just great. One bathroom to share with those 3," said, Lily pointing to Remus, Sirius and James.

"And me," added Amelia. They ignored her.

"You practically lived with us, you shared a bathroom with us for a year last year," said Sirius.

"So…?"

"You didn't hate it that much then."

"I was getting laid last year," snapped Lily. Then she gasped and shut her eyes when she realized that Dumbledore was in the room.

"Well Evans, you never know what might happen…" Sirius said, waggling his eyebrows.

"Not even in your dreams, Black," Lily said, with a look of disgust on her face.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 

"Wow, this place has not changed a bit," said Lily as she stepped into the common room of the Head's Tower. The others closely followed.

"No it hasn't," said James.

He was a little surprised, he had expected _something_ to have changed. But it hadn't. It was exactly how he and Lily had left it on Graduation Day.

The common room was large, and it had a huge fireplace on one side in front of a huge, red, squishy sofa. There was two comfy armchairs on either side of the sofa, and two staircases stood on either side of the room. One led to the two bedrooms and the other to the large kitchen.

"So there are two bedrooms and 5 people," said Remus, looking around the tower.

Before he had finished, Lily had run up the set of the stairs to the left up to the bedrooms.

"Wow! My old room!" they heard her squeal.

James ran up the stairs and stood in the doorway, watching Lily squeal in delight as she jumped on her old bed. He couldn't help but laugh at her, she looked so happy.

"Come on Potter, don't act as if you're too grown up to jump on the bed with me!" Lily laughed.

"Alright," he laughed, slipping off his shoes and running and jumping on the bed with her.

"Well, you two still have that headboard banging against that wall…" commented Sirius. He, Remus and Amelia were standing watching James and Lily jumping on the bed.

"I think they actually left a dent in it last time," said Remus.

"Jamie, stop that," Amelia whined at James who was still jumping childishly on the bed.

"Oh…" said James. He and Lily looked at each other awkwardly before they jumped off the bed.

"So how exactly is this going to work? We have two rooms, and from the looks of it two double beds and two single beds," said Lily.

"Jamie and I should have a big bed," said Amelia immediately, latching onto James's arm.

"Fair enough," said Lily calmly, although everyone in the room except Amelia knew that she was getting annoyed.

"Shouldn't we also have one room to ourselves?" Amelia said, in an infuriating voice.

"Wait a minute…that isn't fair," protested James.

"No it's fine really, me and Moony will bunk with Lily," said Sirius quickly, then muttered under his breath. "Nobody wants to be in the room with you two going at it…"

When Amelia heard this she giggled. "Well I can't promise we'll be quiet!"

James winced in embarrassment, causing Remus and Sirius to openly snigger at them. Lily just stood there, wishing she was anywhere else.

"Okay, but there is one problem: there are only two beds in here," said Lily, looking round.

"Not a problem, babe. I don't mind sleeping with you, in more than one sense," said Sirius, winking at Lily. He knew it would get a reaction from James, the quicker he realised he still loved Lily, and the less time he would have to live with Amelia.

WHAM

James' fist connected with Sirius' jaw. Immediately he was on the floor.

"Ow Prongs, I was kidding!" shouted Sirius, then he whispered to Lily. "I wasn't."

"You completely deserved that, you know," said Lily, bending down to examine Sirius' face.

"You did," said James, wincing at the pain in his fist.

"There was no need for violence though, James. I am a big girl I don't need you…to do anything…" said Lily.

"Jamie, why did you punch him?" asked Amelia, a dizzy look on her face.

"Never mind," said James darkly, storming out of the room. Amelia immediately followed.

"Was that really necessary?" asked Remus. "You knew it would get a reaction from him."

"I know, but I didn't think he would punch me," said Sirius, still in pain.

"OWWWWWW LILY!" he screamed.

Lily had grabbed his ear and was currently pulling him to his feet by it.

"If you ever call me 'Babe' again I will castrate you, understood?" said Lily dangerously.

"Understood," gulped Sirius.

"Good, now go and apologise to James right now," said Lily.

"What for? It's not my fault he got so jealous over a little flirting," said Sirius.

"You deliberately provoked him, and…" she listened for a second, her eyes looking up toward the ceiling, "yes I believe that is Amelia I can hear shouting at him. Go and say you're sorry."

"Fine," said Sirius, getting up. "But you have to admit it was a little extreme. All I did was insinuate that I wanted to sleep with his ex."

"Go and apologise right now or I will make your life a living hell for as long as we are here," said Lily dangerously.

"Alright, alright," said Sirius. He was not going to cross Lily, she was far too scary. He got up and went downstairs, where Amelia was currently screeching at James.

"I must be mad, you three always seem to cause trouble," said Lily, rolling her eyes at Remus.

"You love us, we keep things interesting," grinned Remus.

---------------------------------------------------

"Hey, you okay?" said Lily. It was almost 3 am, and everyone had gone to sleep. Lily had gotten up for a glass of water and found James sitting in front of the fire in the common room.

"Yeah, just thinking," said James, looking up.

"Anything you want to talk about?" asked Lily, sitting down next to him.

"Not really," he said. "This is weird."

"What is?"

"This. I haven't seen you in over a year and yet…I would still feel completely comfortable telling you anything. It's weird, aren't things supposed to be awkward between us or something?"

"This isn't exactly a normal situation," Lily pointed out. "And it's not as if we ended things badly."

"I guess. But my girlfriend and…you living under the same roof…with Sirius."

"It is odd," Lily agreed.

"Can you do me favor?" James asked.

"What?"

"Don't sleep with my best mate. I know it's none of my business but…"

"I would never sleep with him, ever. He's a friend."

"Okay."

"You shouldn't have punched him," said Lily.

"I know."

"Did you apologise?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

"We should go to bed," said James. "Uh…separately I mean…"

"Okay," laughed Lily. It was always cute how flustered he got.

They both got up and trudged up the stairs. They got to the top and turned to each other, like they did on their first date.

"Goodnight James."

"Goodnight Lily. And I am sorry you're back here."

"I know," said Lily sweetly. Then she opened the bedroom door and went inside.

James stood out in the hall for a few seconds, he could hear her banging into the bedside table, like she always used to do. He was just about to go into his room, when he heard Sirius' voice.

"Wanna spoon, flower?"

James smiled to himself after hearing a loud _SMACK!_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 

JAMES' POV

"Jamie I hear noises," whimpered Amelia, scooting, if possible, even closer to me.

We have been living in the Head's Tower for almost a month. It's getting harder and harder to live in such close quarters. Amelia, for one, finds new ways to annoy me every single day, and Sirius continuously flirts with Lily. He told me I still love her, and I'm starting to think he's right. It makes me wonder: did I ever _really_ stop loving her? I know I didn't stop missing her, but is the love still there.

The lust is _definitely_ still there, that's for sure. I can't stop thinking about her. I got a hard on yesterday when she walked out of her room in a long t shirt and just knickers. I think about her when I have sex with Amelia, I actually thought about asking Amelia to put a pillow over her head while we do it. But that is cruel, right? Remus isn't here right now, it was the full moon last night, so he's probably in the hospital wing recovering. Me and Sirius wanted to go with him, like we used to at school but we can't risk exposing everyone.

"Jamie…" she whines.

That is it, how annoying can one person be? Can't I even sleep in peace? It's 3am, and if she waking me up for something stupid, I will kill her. Well, maybe not actually, but I will go and sleep down stairs, or maybe next door.

"What?" I snap at her as I sit up in bed.

"There are noises down stairs," she said and I can hear the pout in her voice.

I'm just about to shout at her to go back to sleep and stop being so damn stupid, when I hear it. Someone is down there, more than one person. They just knocked something over.

"Okay, you stay up here," I tell Amelia firmly.

"I love how you're so brave." Oh please.

Should I go and wake Sirius? No. If I do then I'll wake Lily and there is no way she will stay out of the way and let us handle it. I'll do it myself.

I grab my wand and creep out of the room. I didn't want to let the intruders know I was coming so I levitated downstairs. It's dark but there are definitely at least two people in the room.

"Oh whoopsies, I broke a cup," a female voice giggled.

I swear, if Sirius has snuck some girl in here, I'll kill him. I can't believe he would risk all of our lives just to get laid.

"Lily…where are you?" Sirius whispered loudly.

LILY! He better not have. After all the time he spends telling me I still love… he wouldn't sleep with her. She wouldn't. She told me she would never.

"Sirius…you are in sooo much trouble. I'm as pissed as….a sailor…" Lily whispered.

They are drunk. That's it I am putting an end to this right now.

"Where the hell did you two get alcohol?" I shout as I turn on the light.

"Busted!" laughed Lily.

"Uh…what alcohol, Prongs, me old pal," said Sirius, in what I'm sure he thought was a casual tone. He leaned against a bookshelf only to miss and land on his arse.

"You hate being called Jamie, don't you?" asked Lily.

Where had that come from? She was staring at me inquisitively, well as inquisitive as you can be when you can barely stand.

"What?"

"You told me you hated being called Jamie. Did you lie?"

What in the name of Dumbledore's old undies was she talking about? It's true I do hate being called Jamie. It what my grandma used to call me, right before she planted a big kiss on my lips, leaving lipstick on them. She was a foul woman.

"No, I didn't lie," I tell her. I might as well indulge her. Lily always got so very honest when she was drunk.

"Then why does your gerbil get to call you Jamie?" My what? Oh right, Amelia, Sirius has corrupted Lily.

"Um… she doesn't. She just won't listen when I tell her not to." Okay what do I do? If I say or do the wrong thing, I could get very hurt or worse. "Do you want to call me Jamie?"

"No," she shrugged. "I was just wondering."

"Okay." Sirius has driven her insane.

"Prongs," said Sirius randomly.

"Yes."

"You're a twat."

"Thank you Padfoot," I tell him. Honestly, I just came down here to save their bloody lives from intruders, and he tells me I am a twat. Some people…

"He's right, you are a twat," Lily chimes in.

Okay fine, she is living with me and my annoying girlfriend. Lily gets to call me a twat. Wow… I just noticed, that is a nice top she is wearing. I can see her bra, marvelous. Wait a minute that means…

"Paddy, stop staring at Lily's bra and get to bed right now," I bark at him. Honestly, he was ogling her. Can't really blame him though.

"I will if you will." Damn him, now I have to look away.

"Both of you will stop right now," said Lily, trying to sound forceful but she just sounds drunk. She pulls her jacket tighter round her body.

"Alrighty, I'm off to bed. I'm off to bed," said Sirius and miraculously he makes it up the stairs without falling over once.

"Oh…um…you're mad," said Lily. It's not a question, more of a statement.

"Yeah I am…"

"Because we didn't invite you…" she giggled. When Amelia giggles it annoys me, but when Lily does it I think it's adorable. Maybe that's because Lily doesn't do it every 2 minutes.

"No, not because…wait a minute why didn't you invite me?"

"Cause you're a twat and Amelia annoys us. So if you had come then so would she, duh."

Okay that is true. But still a little harsh. I would have liked to escape for a few hours and get hammered.

"Do you love her?" Lily asks. She isn't looking at me again, why won't she just look at me. If she looked at me she would know. I don't love Amelia, I love her. Oh my God, I do love her. I still love Lily. Oh crap. How could I not have known? What the hell do I do now?

"No I don't." I tell her. I should be honest with her.

I wonder what would happen if I told Lily right now, that I love her. Would she fall into my arms and tell me that the past doesn't matter anymore? Or would she remind me that I have girlfriend upstairs, call me a wanker and never speak to me again?

Probably the last one, with my luck.

"Then why is she here? Why am I here?"

"Amelia wanted to come in here."

"I didn't."

"I know you didn't," I sigh.

Why do I still manage to make her unhappy? Even when I'm trying to save her life. Why is she blind to the fact that she is here because I love her, more than anyone else? Why can't she see that? Granted, it's taken me over a month to see it, but Lily is smarter than me. She must know I still love her. Maybe she does and she doesn't feel the same way that's why she isn't mentioning it.

"I should…go to bed…before I open my big mouth again," she says, looking towards to stairs.

"Okay…" Why, what does she want to say? She should just say it, I should tell her to just say… NO, no, I shouldn't. What if what she wants to say is that she hates me and me and Amelia deserve each other? It might be true but that doesn't mean I want to hear about it.

"Goodnight James," she said, stumbling towards the stairs.

"Do you want some help?" I ask. I don't want her to hurt herself trying to get up the stairs in her current state.

"From you? No."

Ouch Lily.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 

JAMES' POV

Amelia and I walk into the kitchen and find Sirius and Lily slumped across the table. They look like they feel awful, but it serves them right for going out and having fun without me.

"What's the matter with you two?" asked Amelia.

She is dense. I told her last night that Lily and Sirius had gone out drinking. Honestly what does she think is wrong with them?

"I think I'm dying," groans Lily.

"Well it serves you both right. What the hell were you thinking?" I can't help but lecture them a little. What they did was really irresponsible, it could have gotten them both killed.

"Oh right, mother," snapped Lily.

"I'm just saying there is a reason we are in hiding."

"Yeah. You!" snapped Lily.

"Now, don't blame Jamie," said Amelia, tugging on my arm. Does she have to touch me all the time. I need PERSONAL SPACE!

"Ahhhhhh" shouted Sirius.

"Do you have to bloody shout? At least wait until the hangover potion is brewed," groaned Lily.

Typical Lily. Of course she was making a hangover potion. Thank Merlin too, she would be unbearable today if she stays hung-over.

"I wish it would hurry up," grumbled Sirius.

"Oh Jamie, they're hungover," squealed Amelia before she started cackling like a hyena.

A few minutes later she was still laughing (if one could call it that), and Lily snapped. I knew it would be coming, I just wish I'd had time to take cover. She slammed the glass of water down on the table, causing Amelia to jump at the sound. She looked at Lily a little frightened and I don't blame her. Lily looked murderous.

"James…" she said slowly.

"Yeah," I say. I'm scared now. I wasn't the one laughing, why do I face the wrath of the Redhead?

"Find a way to shut that thing up or I will."

Okay I have to get Amelia out of her way NOW! She will kill her. Well, it may solve a few problems… NO, James, bad thoughts, bad.

"Uh…okay…"

"I know a way we can get out of here," Amelia whispered in my ear as she ran her hand down my chest.

What red-blooded male would say no?

"Uh…good idea," I say.

Amelia grabs my hand and leads me to our room. Would this be a good time to bring up the idea or her putting a pillow case over her head? No I don't think so, I'll need to be subtle about it.

------------------------------------------

An hour later, after a little nap, I leave Amelia still sleeping in the bed and go down to the common room. Sirius was sitting on the sofa, but Lily was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Lily?" I ask. I really want to see her… just to make sure she is feeling better.

"I don't know," he says calmly.

What the hell does he mean, he doesn't know? We are in hiding, there are only so many places she can go without us panicking.

"What do you mean, you don't know?

"I mean she ran up the stairs half an hour ago. I went up to check on her and she isn't in the bathroom, her bedroom, or the kitchen," said Sirius slowly.

"Why? Why did you have to check on her? Is she ill? I could contact Dumbledore and get Madam Pomf…"

"It would have been nice if you had remembered the silencing charm."

Oh shit. I forgot the silencing charm… oh boy, did I remember the contraceptive? Yes, yes I definitely remembered that one.

But Lily she had heard everything and Amelia is not quiet, in fact she is overly loud. I'm good, but I can't be that good.

Oops, back to Lily.

"So where is she? Did she leave?" I'm shouting at him now. I need to find her, I have to talk to her. I don't have a clue what I'm going to say, but I have to do something.

"She didn't come down the stairs," said Sirius. He's mad at me, I can tell. Lily must have been upset. I am a twat.

I know where she is. She's up on the roof. She always used to go there to think, she thought I didn't know that there is a trapdoor up there, in her wardrobe.

"I'll go and get her," I mumble, but Sirius has already turned his back.

--------------------------------------------------

"Lily," I say as I crawl through the trapdoor. She is up here, she is sitting with her knees under her chin, too close to the edge for my liking.

"What do you want James?" she asks. She has been crying, I can tell. What have I done?

"I want to check you're alright."

"I'm fine." I flinch at her tone. She doesn't sound angry, she sounds upset which is a thousand times worse. I can handle an angry Lily, but Lily is upset because of me. I can't handle that.

"I spoke to Sirius, he told me I forgot the silencing charm," I say cautiously. I take a few more steps towards her, and stand in front of her.

"Yeah you did. But I guess as long as you remembered the contraceptive charm, then there is no harm done."

"I didn't mean for you to hear that."

"It's no big deal," and she says it in a way that makes me feel like such a prick for letting her hear that.

"I'm sorry," I tell her, crouching down so that we are face to face. She's has been crying and it looks like she might start again.

"Why did you have to do that?" she looks me straight in the eye when she asks that.

"I didn't mean to."

"Do you really think I had to hear that to know what you were doing?" she sounds angry now. She is on her feet, I get up after her.

"Lily…"

"Why would you think I had to hear that? I never wanted to give you up in the first place, I never wanted you to walk away! I begged you to stay!" Lily is shouting at me now, but tears are streaming down her face, "But you left! Don't you think this is hard enough for me? Don't you think I wish I was a million miles away from you and her? And then you go and do that! Why would you think that I needed to hear that?"

"I'm sorry."

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"Fine, apology accepted," said Lily. She was wiping the tears from her face. I want to go over and hold her and tell her everything will be alright. But I can't seem to move.

"Lily…" I don't get it, how can she be in tears then 3 seconds later forgive me. That isn't Lily.

"We have to live together. Just don't do it again."

"So we're good?"

"We're friends."

I'm completely freaked out. Lily doesn't forgive that quickly. Something was definitely not right.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 

"Paddy?" James said to Sirius later that night. Lily had been acting normal with him since they had come down from the roof.

"What?" said Sirius with an edge to his voice. He still wasn't happy with James for upsetting Lily.

"I'm worried about Lily. She isn't mad or anything with me," said James, making sure nobody else was close by.

"Maybe she doesn't care anymore," Sirius shrugged.

"What?"

"I mean a lot of people would say that what happened this morning is closure. Maybe it was just what Lily needed to finally get over any lingering feelings she had for you," said Sirius. He knew this was the last thing James wanted to hear, but he didn't have long to get him and Lily together.

"Really?" Sirius couldn't help but feel bad about what he had just said. James looked devastated.

"Yeah."

"Right… well… right," said James furiously.

Sirius watched as he all but ran up the stairs, he couldn't help but smile when he heard him bursting into Lily's room. It was a good thing he had the forethought to keep Amelia busy in the kitchen. The downside to his genius plan was that he might actually have to eat something Amelia cooked.

"Indigestion, here I come," Sirius muttered to himself.

------------------------------------

JAMES' POV

"Lily, I am not wearing a cup!" I shout as I barge into her room.

What if Sirius is right? What if Lily really doesn't care anymore? I need to know, one way or another, what she feels.

"What?" Oh dear she looks confused. Well, it made sense in my head.

"I'm not wearing a cup," I repeat. I'm now so close to her our toes are touching. I reach out and gently tuck her hair behind her ear. "So…if you kick me it will hurt."

"James…"

I cut her off, by leaning down and kissing her. She is completely shocked, I can tell. Hell part of me is too, I wasn't sure I could do it. But it feels right, it feels like this is what has been missing from my life the past year. Then she starts to kiss me back. Yeah I was definitely right all along, the lust is there. I place my hands on her hips and pull her even closer. Her hand slid up my body and end up round my neck. I need to touch her, so I lift one of my hands from her hips and touch her cheek. Her skin is so soft, and her hands are entangled perfectly in my hair. I know her and I know she was leaning towards her bed. So I beat her to it, I move forward bring her with me to her bed.

"Jamie… are you up there?"

That brought both us back to reality with a thud.

"Uh…um…" stuttered Lily, looking dazed.

"I have always loved you," I whisper quickly, before the moment is gone.

That just seems to have panicked her more. We can both hear Amelia getting close. Lily suddenly pushes me away, quite violently. Just as I manage to get back up, Amelia bursts in.

"Jamie, come and try the soup."

"Not now." I snap. Can't she see I'm having a moment with Lily?

"Please now!" she whines.

"Go," said Lily calmly. Oh dear that can't be good. Her face is completely blank, her eyes void of any emotion.

------------------------------------------------

LILY'S POV

That did not just happen. James did not just come in here and announce he was not wearing a cup and kiss me. It didn't happen.

Okay, maybe it did happen, and now I'm standing in my room, with the guy I just kissed and his girlfriend. Perfect. They need to leave _now_. I need to be alone and wallow.

"I need to talk to Lily for a second," I can hear James say. But I'm not really listening, I'm feel like I'm not really here, like I'm floating above my head and watching.

"Go, James, Amelia obviously wants to show you something," I say. "We can _chat_ later."

"Okay, but we will talk later?"

"Yes."

Okay, I have a plan now. Clearly there is still something between James and me and I think I know what it is. Pent up lust. Yes that is what it is. Because we ended it so quickly and unexpected, we didn't get any closure. So yes, I think one last time would be just what we need. That's it: I need to sleep with James to get rid of all feelings for him. Fabulous plan.

One problem, though. His girlfriend. She lives with us. He _has_ a girlfriend. That is more than one problem, really.

Obstacles. I like it. I can overcome them. I have to, I have to get James bloody Potter out of my system.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

LILY'S POV

Operation: Seduce James Potter is almost underway. Amelia is in the kitchen 'baking', Sirius is in the hospital wing seeing Remus. And the target is in the shower. All I have to do now is saunter casually into the bathroom in my underwear.

Green lace, matching bra and panties. Oh yes, I know him. I won't need to do a damn thing. Mess up my hair a little and I'm done. I slide on a man's shirt, his shirt actually, one that still have from before we broke up. I roll up the sleeves, but don't do any buttons.

I tip toe barefoot into the bathroom. The shower is still running. I walk in, go over to the mirror.

"I'm in the shower," James shouts when he hears me.

"So I see," I shout back.

"Lily!" I have obviously surprised him. He poked his head out of the shower, just his head.

"Yes?"

"What are you…I'm in the shower," he sputters.

"So I see," I reply sweetly.

"You're…wearing…wow." He is practically drooling now.

"I'm just trying to do my hair, and it's nothing you haven't already seen many, many times before," I say, turning enough so that he can see the entire thing. I can see the look of longing in his eyes.

"But…I should go…I mean, I've finished…" he said, climbing out of the shower. He quickly ducked back in, and there is only one reason any man moves that fast.

"Need a cold shower now?" I tease.

"Just pass me a towel," he snaps and I know I'm right.

"Are you being shy now?"

"Lily…" he says warningly.

"What?"

"The towel," he growled.

"Alright," I laugh as I throw him the towel.

He catches it and wraps it round his waist. I decide to watch, just to make him squirm. That body has only improved with time. That flat toned stomach, those muscles, and gorgeous strong arms. And he's soaking wet, maybe I should just pounce on him... No, as tantalizing as that sounds, he has to come to me.

"When have you had time to work out, Potter?" I ask him, running a finger from his cheek to the base of his neck.

"Um… uh… you know I brought weights… and well, there's nothing much to do in here…" he says, and I can see he's struggling.

* * *

NORMAL POV

"Hmm… maybe I should come and work out with you. I'm getting a little flabby," said Lily, pouting and grabbing at non-existent fat on her stomach.

"No… you're not… it's nice… um…" said James, looking at her body then up at her face. "Ah hell, you're doing this on purpose."

He put his hands on either side of her face, and pulled her into a mind numbing kiss. He knew she couldn't resist. Before Lily knew what was happening, her back hit the bathroom door. After a brief moment, she slowly inched her hands to his chest, resting there, feeling his hardness… yes, she had definitely missed those muscle and that chest.

He opened her mouth and his tongue darted in, stroking hers. His hands smoothed down her back and rested firmly on her butt bringing her closer to his erection. She let out a small groan.

"Lily…" he groaned. He had to make sure she was sure before he went any further.

"You were right, I was tempting you on purpose," she whispered heavily. "And if you say another word, I will change my mind."

He answered her with another passionate kiss. He pressed her fully against the wall and she absorbed every inch of him, savoring being with him again.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, his hands lifted her closer to him and, holding on tight, she wrapped her legs around his waist, arching into him as her center was pressed intimately against his.

Somehow he managed to open the bathroom door and carry Lily through to her bedroom, not even pausing to look for Amelia.

"This brings back a lot of memories, huh?" she whispered into his ear.

"I thought we weren't talking."

"Shut up!"

Grinning, James threw Lily onto the bed and while she bounced, he threw his towel off. It was only getting in the way.

Then kneeling onto the bed he crept over her and let his mouth graze her neck before tasting her. A breath shuddered out of her as his mouth did things to her body that she hadn't felt in a long, long time. At the bottom of her throat, he sucked gently, then hard, before soothing the hot flesh with his tongue. Then he leaned back and just looked at her lying there, never looking more stunning than she was right then.

The view was magnificent as he bent and guided his tongue along the her leg following the path of his hands which were inching closer and closer to those green panties.

Reaching the underside of her breasts, James lingered there, nuzzling them before reaching up and unclasping her bra and chucking it aside.

Finally she lay there naked. Desire poured through him, filled him, until he had to set his teeth against the aching need to pull her close and make love to her without foreplay, but he struggled to reign himself in. This could be the first of many or the last time he would ever get to this, he had to make this last, so they could both remember every single second of it.

He bent to kiss her, his weight gradually settled on her, pressing her into the mattress. His mouth played with hers, making her ache with their gentleness, then gasp as they because increasingly deep and wild so that she moved restlessly beneath him, burying her fingers into his soft hair.

He nuzzled her neck as he trailed downwards, before fastening his mouth on one breast. She gasped, arching beneath him at the rush of pleasure. Then, when he transferred his attention to her other breast, he trailed his hand downwards to her opening, delving into her folds as she became accustomed to him again.

"You're already wet for me," he groaned deeply and cupped her nape, dragging her mouth to his. She came to him without resistance, hungry for his touch. A shudder rippled through him as her mouth parted beneath his. Her need matched his which was as fierce as it was seductive undermining him as nothing else had or could.

"I haven't had a decent fuck in a year," she moaned.

"Allow me to rectify that."

He felt the tentative exploration of her tongue as it swept out to explore him…and he let her. The taste of her simmered through him and her hands gently explored his back, tracing the ridges along his spine and over the curve of his bottom.

Nudging her legs apart, they spread open to accommodate him closer to her and as she arched shuddering at the sensation of her center against his, and he plunged into her.

Her hands clutched his shoulders, finger nails sinking into his skin and he took a breath and he shoved in deeper, filling her completely. She clung to him on a shivering cry and he bent and closed his mouth over one nipple, suckling gently.

He felt the moment when she tightened around him, the clenching of her soft inner muscles and cradled her close as his own release took over.

"Crap," panted Lily. Her plan had failed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"Crap?" James repeated, looking at her incredulously. "Crap?"

"Yes, crap," said Lily, her breathing still ragged.

"Crap!"

"Yes, we have established that I said crap," snapped Lily.

"Why? In my opinion, that was anything but crap."

"Not that. That was… that was… good. I just meant, 'crap it didn't work'."

"What didn't work?"

"It doesn't matter," she snapped, pulling the covers over her and getting up out of the bed.

"It does, tell me what this was all about. What is going on in your head?" said James desperately.

"Nothing… it doesn't matter," she snaps as she pulls on some clothes.

"Tell me. Lily!" he said, grabbing her arm. "Will you please look at me?"

"No," she said, pulling her arm out of his grasp.

"Why not?"

"Because when I look at you I get confused."

"Why? What confuses you?" he asked as he pulls her back down onto the bed. She didn't fight him, she lay back down next to him.

"Everything."

"I know this isn't exactly a normal situation… I do love you though, I don't think I ever stopped. I'm sorry it's taken me this long…but…"

"It smells like Amelia is burning something in the kitchen," said Lily emotionlessly. She got up and grabbed a towel. "You should go and make sure she doesn't burn the castle down. I'm going for a shower."

"Lily…"

"And when I get back you won't be here."

"Lily…"

"Just forget it even happened, James," she said, then she left the room.

* * *

JAMES' POV

How the hell am I supposed to 'forget it even happened'? I really don't understand Lily at times, she deliberately seduces me then tells me to forget all about it. Well, not this time. This time is different, I still bloody love her.

I am going downstairs to break up with Amelia right now. Erm… after I put some clothes on, that is. My clothes are next door, that's just great.

Now that I have clothes on, I'm breaking up with Amelia. Lily has just come out of the bathroom while I'm still standing on the landing like a buffoon. She's going to ignore me, I can see she's just going to go into her room and act like I'm not here.

"Lily."

"James."

"I'm breaking up with her right now." She'll talk to me now.

"Why? You two are perfect for each other."

"Ouch, that is harsh," I tell her. I can tell she didn't mean that.

She's laughing now. That has to be a good sign, laughter has to be better than anger or indifference.

"Sorry," she laughs. "I'll see you later, James."

What the bloody hell does that mean? I'll never work that woman out. Ah well, I suppose that's half the fun.

* * *

"Prongs…" said Sirius later that day.

I had broken up with Amelia, I think she was packing upstairs. I hadn't been able to talk to Lily again, she was avoiding me and it was probably better if I didn't until Amelia was gone. She was pretty upset.

"Yeah…"

"Is there a reason why Amelia is hysterically throwing things into a suitcase, including your lucky boxers?"

"Yes."

"Please, _please_, tell me it's because you broke up with her and now she's leaving," said Sirius, his face full of hope.

"I broke up with her and now she wants to leave," I confirm.

"Yes! Well done mate. It's about bloody time," said Sirius, pulling me into a rather homosexual hug.

"Gerroff!" I grumble.

"Mate, I wasn't kidding when I said she was taking your lucky boxers!"

"Let her have them," I shrug. I don't need my pulling pants. Lily never liked them very much anyway.

"What? Are you feeling okay, mate?" His hand is now over my forehead. Why is he constantly touching me?

"I feel fine, better than fine. I feel fan-fucking-tastic." I tell him.

"You shagged Lily!" Damn him. Does he have to know me so well? And does he have to be so crude?

"You did, you dog! You did the dirty with you're girlfriend in the next room!" he laughed. Sirius makes it sound so dirty and sordid.

"Last chance, Jamie," sniffed Amelia as she tugged her suitcase down the stairs.

"It would have never worked out between us anyway." Hey, I may as well be nice, I did cheat on her after all.

"It would if you would just try! We could get married and have a baby! A baby, that would make us stronger!" Amelia said, and the sad thing was, she actually sounded excited.

"No it wouldn't. Just go," I sigh. You can't be nice to someone like Amelia without her taking it the wrong way.

"Fine, but you don't know what you'll be missing," she huffed before stalking out.

"Oh I do," I say to Sirius after she is gone. "Now I have a lovely redhead to… most probably make her mad at me at first …but then hopefully…"

"Just go, mate."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"Lily," James called softly. He didn't want her to think he was shouting her, because that was _not_ the way to get Lily to open up. Her bedroom door was shut, so he knocked with no answer. He knocked again… and again… and again...

"Just come in, James!" she shouted.

He opened the door, and she was lying on her bed in her dressing gown, facing away from him. He went over to the bed, climbed on it and scooted close to her. He slipped his arm round her waist and pulled her close to him. She didn't resist but she didn't encourage him either, he wasn't sure if that is a good sign or not.

"Amelia is gone," James whispered into her hair.

"You didn't have to break up with her, you know. What happened earlier wasn't meant to end your relationship with her. It was just meant to get you out of my system," she says quietly.

"And did it?" asked James as he used his free hand to push her hair away from her face so that he could see her properly.

"No," was all she said.

"I meant what I said. I do still love you."

"I know."

"Do you…?"

"Yes, I still love you too," she said. Lily still hadn't looked up at James.

"Can we give it another try then?"

Lily sighed and crawled out of James' arms and got up. She walked over to the window and looked out over the Hogwarts grounds.

"Lily…" said James carefully.

"There was a reason we couldn't work the last time, and I don't think it has changed," said Lily sadly. "Have you changed?"

"I… I do still want to marry you and have kids."

"And I still don't."

"Lily…" he said painfully.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't want to have to do this again, I don't want to hurt you… I'm sorry," said Lily, and James knew immediately that she was crying.

"Come here," he mumbled. He got up and went over to her, he pulled her into his arms. He curled his index finger under her chin, and lifted her head and gently kissed her.

"It's not fair," she whispered when he pulled away.

"No it's not," he whispered back.

She turned round in his arms so she was facing him. His hazel eyes were looking at her, boring into her, trapping her. She couldn't look away even if she'd wanted to. He traced her lower lip with his thumb, lingering at the corner.

"We shouldn't really be doing this…if nothing has changed," he whispered.

"We shouldn't…" she whispered, although her eyes said something completely different.

"Just once…" he murmured. "Just one more time."

Then he covered her mouth with his. His tongue traced the seam of her lips lightly and on her gasp, used the opening to plunge in. She matched him, stroke for stroke, burrowing closer to him.

He caressed her sides, up her back, and then came down again to rest at her waist. What little mind he had left over knew he wasn't going to touch her more than that, for him to touch her more than that he needed to know that he could have her totally and completely.

But he ached to do so, it filled him. James wanted very badly to palm his hands over her tight bottom and bring her closer to show her his aroused state… he wanted to make love to her, he needed her and the thought that he would have to let her go again, almost killed him. He ended the kiss slowly and caressed her now swollen lips.

"I do love you, I always loved you. But... this is too hard. You finally get rid of the 'fluff' but still I… can't love you the way… I need to…" Lily was in tears again. She burrowed her head in the nook in his neck.

"Lily…please don't cry…" said James, feeling close to tears himself.

"Just stay a little longer please," she said, her voice muffled.

Against his better judgment James agreed. He could never deny Lily anything. The only time he hadn't done what she asked him to was when they broke up. She asked him to stay but he left. But she sounded so heartbroken, he couldn't walk away again. He knew he couldn't.

"What are we supposed to do? Just avoid each other until we leave here and then go back to never seeing each other ever again? I don't want to not see you everyday, to not wake up next to you every morning. I don't want that."

"I don't want that either," he said pulling her, if it was even possible, closer to him. He ran his hand through her hair.

"Then stay, forever. Don't ever leave me again. You used to promise me you would never leave me, please don't. I know I'm being weak and pathetic but I don't want to go back to feeling empty and alone."

"Shhhhhhh. You're not being weak or pathetic. Please don't cry, you know I hate to see you crying."

"Sorry," said Lily, wiping the tears from her face. She pulled her head off his shoulder and looked up at him.

"It's alright, you have nothing to apologise for."

"I wish I wanted the whole marriage and kids thing right now. But with the war, I just don't I can't bring a child into the world the way it is."

"It's okay, you shouldn't have to force it."

"I just don't want to lose you again," said Lily.

"I don't want to leave you again."

"Then don't."

"You don't want to marry me…"

"So. I want to be with you forever, I don't need a big party and a piece of paper to prove that."

"But I do," he said desperately. Why couldn't she understand that he wanted her to be his wife? To show everyone that they were forever, that nothing to tear them apart again. "I need the piece of paper, maybe not the big party. But I want you to be my wife. And I want my children to have my name, to be a family."

Lily hung her head. She could understand where he was coming from, she really could.

"But you don't want children ever, do you?" he asked her.

"One day, yes, I do want children. But right now with the war, I don't. I want my children to be brought up in a safe world, where we don't have to go into hiding…I don't want that. I'm not ready for that, not now anyway."

James looked down at her as if he could hardly believe his ears.

"What?" asked Lily. She didn't know why he was looking at her like that.

"Why didn't you say all this a year ago?"

"I did…I'm sure I did."

"You didn't. If you did we… I wouldn't have walked away."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean one day, when you're ready, you want kids?"

"Yes…but I…"

"Do you love me?"

"Yes."

"I mean do you really love me? Love me the way I love you?"

"I love you more than I ever knew it was possible to love someone," said Lily honestly.

"A real relationship, being a grown up where it's all about compromise."

"James…"

"Marry me?" said James. He lifted Lily's head and looked her straight in the eye. "You say you want to be together forever. Prove it. Marry me!"

"James…"

"No, just hear me out," he said desperately. "It doesn't have to be a huge, big thing. We can do it in the backyard in jeans for all I care. But please marry me. Let's show everyone that we are forever. That we are a family of two. We don't have to try for kids until you are good and ready. I will never pressure you into having a baby. I just need the promise that one day we will have a family."

"You thought… I didn't want to ever…?"

"I did. So what do you say? I know you don't need the piece of paper, but I do. So do this for me and I will spend the rest of my life loving you the way you deserve to be loved, and I will never leave you ever again."

'_I do want to be with him forever. I guess marriage has never been important to me, but it is to him. It wouldn't hurt to get married I suppose it wouldn't change things between us, we would still be us. But if this is what he need, then I'll do it.'_

"Okay."

"Okay? Did you just say okay?"

"I did," said Lily, grinning like an idiot and nodding her head.

"You'll marry me?"

"I will."

"WHOOOO HOOOO!" James whooped, picking Lily up and spinning her round.

"Mrs. Lily Potter…" James said, savoring the sound of it and smiling. "It has a certain ring to it."


End file.
